You know those seasons where EVERYTHING that could go wrong does?

That is how I feel the last year and a half has been. It has actually been the worst year - for all the reasons I have shared, and so so so many reasons that I have not shared. I have been struggling to remain positive and hopeful in this season.

At the same time, there are some VERY beautiful parts/moments/things from the last year and a half. (Looking through my photos just proves that!)

And it feels like it is continuing - I came to Canada end of September for one of my best friend’s weddings, and the unrest that was just starting to bubble basically exploded. Long story short, I am still in Canada waiting for things in Haiti to settle down so that I can get back to my work there safely. These protests are discouraging and exhausting for everyone. I really don’t know how much longer people can live with this, and I don’t know when these protests will let up. There are a LOT of people leaving the countries, many businesses and organizations shutting down their operations, whether temporarily or permanently.

In my experience, protests have meant no city power for days on end, which also means no running water, and food going bad in fridges, and complete dark when the sun goes down around 6pm. Protests also have meant days of staying home - not even going on a grocery store run. All of this leads to some pretty awful mental health situations - which I have already been struggling with. When it seems like EV. RY. THING. is going wrong, and it’s just one thing after another, it is hard to stay positive and connected to people.

There are so many people still in Haiti that either cannot leave, or are choosing not to leave for a variety of reasons - they are continuing to work and live as normally as possible, and the amount of trauma they are experiencing, even indirectly with their stress levels and hearing stories, is immense. While I wish I was back home in Haiti, I am also aware that I am being spared from this stress and trauma, and that I will be experiencing the after-effects when I return.

PS - Just a clarification, I could book flights and head back to Haiti right now - but if I fly in on a bad day, I am putting whoever is driving me home at risk, I may not even be able to get to work regularly, and I have no one who can help me get food and water if things get shut down for a longer period of time. OR, everything could be totally fine and my life could immediately go back to “normal”. There is no way to know which way things will go though. So I feel the wisest decision is to stay put for now, pick up shifts at my old job, and take care of some things that I have been putting off (like replacing my very very scratched glasses and saving a financial cushion…)

So that is what I am doing right now - picking up shifts, trying to get a bit more centered and less overwhelmed, trying to get some things figured out (like next steps in EVERYTHING) while I have unlimited power and water and internet. I am focusing in trying to get my heart peaceful and excited again, trying to eat ALL THE FOOD, and honestly just BREATHE.

For people supporting me financially, or wanting to support me financially - I have decided to simply put that money aside, to not touch it until I am back in Haiti doing the work I am being paid to do. This will help me again have that cushion for emergencies, to settle into my home, and ACTUALLY cover my montly expenses without going further and further into debt.

I will be using the money I earn from picking up shifts for everything I am doing/needing while in Canada.

THANK YOU for continuing to stand with and walk beside me through this journey. Thank you for continually showing me that I am not alone in this fight. ❤❤❤