I think too much.

Yesterday, as I was thinking about everything all at once, I was "reminded" of when I was little, and praying for something was ALWAYS the first step.

When my family moved, my sister and I decided we wanted a 5 bedroom house, so we prayed for one.

We got a 5 bedroom house.

One of my grandfathers had an accident at work, and broke his back. I don't remember this, and I didn't meet him until I was around 13 years old.
But my mom says my sister and I decided that we would pray that God would heal him.

My grandfather was healed. No paralysis or anything.

Now I am 23. I have to make a conscious decision to pray, and really work to focus on praying. About anything. About everything.
I have to choose to place worries and ideas and plans into God's hands, and I have to choose to leave them there, not take them back.

And it is SO HARD.

I am so independent. I don't like other people having control over my life.
I don't like being bossed around, I like to make my own decisions, I like to make plans for the future and I like to choose when to have free time to be impulsive.

I've always been like this. If you don't believe me, you'll have to ask my parents to tell you stories about me when I was a baby. I've ALWAYS been like this.

For the last 30 days, I've been following a Facebook group called Hands at Work in Africa, and participating in their 40 Days of Prayer for Africa's orphaned. Every night I read the daily post, and pray.

But I am no longer JUST praying for the topic presented.

I am praying for my friends and family who are struggling.
I am praying about school and work.
I am praying about future and potential trips to Haiti and Uganda.
I am praying about money and living situations.

Everything.

And when I only have $200 left in my bank account, and 2 more months of rent and bills to pay before I even start working, I have to just praypraypray and not panic over the $1300 I am short.

And 2 weeks before I have to pay rent for April, I get a check in the mail for over $2000.
One that I wasn't expecting. At all.

When I feel completely lost in my search for a church, I praypraypray, give in and join a friend.

And find the church is PERFECT for me. Music, great people, huge opportunities and new friendships.

When I am struggling to decide what to focus my school projects on, I praypraypray.

And suddenly find really interesting topics, programs, resources, organizations and people.

It is amazing.

There is no room for secular in my life. None at all. If God isn't in every corner, every nook and cranny, then my life is not okay.

Every moment, we are standing on sacred ground, we are breathing sacred air.

This is what I want my life to be now. No battles between secular and sacred, because I can't separate them.

So I think of a 4 year old Teri-Ann. Praying about every little thing that comes along. Partially because I was taught to do so, but also because I trusted that God would just deal with it.

I am practicing, trying to pray with the trust and faith of a child.
It is not easy. But somehow it is working.

And I'm okay with that.

LoveLoveLove!