Stop wishing for how things were...

Here's a huge list of things you probably don't need to know about me:

- I sometimes take cold showers (even in winter) just because it feels like Haiti

- I am not leaving for Haiti for another.... 128 days. But I have started my packing lists...

- I have wanted to be a worship leader at church since grade 9 probably. I am now 23, was able to co-lead with a beautiful friend of mine last spring, and moved provinces 2 weeks later. Today was the first time I have played music in church since that day.

- I ALWAYS forget how much I love playing music, especially with other people, until I do it. It makes me so happy.

- Every once in a while, I get really scared when I realize I am going to Haiti alone. What if I just made the stupidest decision ever???? And then I think over my reasons for going even though my team is not, and I don't feel scared or stupid anymore.

- You know what I miss most about art school? Spending entire days in the woodshop working, and having my friends around all the time.

- Vancouver is a lonely city sometimes. My advice - NEVER move to a different province alone, unless you are insanely outgoing.

- I have no idea where my life is heading, or what I am doing most of the time. No idea.

- I found some love songs that were written about me. I should not have re read them.

- I am LONGING for an art space. So much. Just a place to set up a piece of plywood and my ink. That's all I want right now.

- I also really want a yard. Or somewhere to hula hoop in the sunshine and grow things. All my plants die here. Not enough sunshine comes into my windows...

- I have no idea how I am going to get the money together for my trip to Haiti. Never mind find a cheap little guitar to bring down and leave there... Le sigh.

- I just realized recently that I have over SIX NOTEBOOKS completely filled with my life. I only started writing in notebooks 5 years ago, and not consistantly. I might be crazy.

- I half miss life in Edmonton, on Whyte Ave, and half never ever want to even walk down those streets again.

- After school, I don't know what I am going to do. I don't feel like I will fit in Alberta, I don't feel like I really fit in BC. I feel like I fit in Haiti. Somehow...

- I wrote a song the other day. One verse has been playing over and over in my mind these last few days:   when the blue skies/choose to return/I am reminded/That I need to learn/To stop wishing/For how things were/The winter was long.
Maybe one day I will share the song with you.

One time, I hiked to this waterfall. It was a beautiful day. I love being outside, when outside looks like this.