Love so hard.

Oh Haiti. I am almost finished my first week here. Already. I feel like I only just got here, and I feel like I had never left, and I feel like I have been here for months.Miriam is not here right now, so I don't really have work to do. It's probably a good thing though. After the last few weeks in Canada, I am in serious need of some rest. They were very hard weeks. Usually I can hide it, but when so many people notice that I am struggling, I know that I am not doing well. I am much better now.New Jersey helped so much. And the chaos of Haiti is my peace. Yesterday I decided to visit the toddlers. They are potty training all 11 of the little boys. Can you imagine!? So I walked into their room, and found 5 boys sitting on potties, and the rest running around in bare bums. Do I leave? Do I walk away and wait until they have all been diapered?No. Of course I don't. I decide to sit on the floor and wait. Which is an invitation for all the boys to come climb on me. And for the boys on the potties to scoot over to me.There's always a moment where I realize that whatever they have on their hands, I probably don't want all over me, and I probably don't want their bare bums all over my skirt, and I don't know what is actually on the floor, even though it LOOKS dry. So I should probably just leave. I probably shouldn't sit down. I should probably only let them sit beside me, and not let them touch me. I probably shouldn't.Right. And instead of all those "shouldn't-s", I end up with 4 or 5 bare bums sitting all along my legs, sometimes 2 trying to climb onto my back or style my hair or play with my jewellery.Later, one of the little boys find a bubble wand in the dirt (I hope) and proceeds to brush my hair with it. And then brush his teeth with it. And then finishes brushing my hair.In theory, it would be so easy to hold these kids at arms length. They are not the clean, sanitary, soft kids of the world I grew up in. These are kids that are playing in the dirt, and who are tough and have seen so much more than I know. I just look at them, look at their faces, look into their eyes. And my heart just feels like it is going to explode because I just love them so much and I can't find a way to get it out fast enough. And I just want to love all these kids so hard that it makes everything better. And I know I can't and that makes my heart ache even more.And it is moments like that that can convince me that God would send Jesus to die to save us. That Jesus would knowingly step into his death so that we would be given a beautiful life, so that we would know love.And I am certain that parents feel that way when their children are first in their arms.I can't believe I get to be here for 3 whole months. I can't believe I get to serve these children. I can't believe I get to sit in the same dirt, feel the same heat, sing the same songs. I can't believe that I get to just love all these kids.     https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qtb11P1FWnc I don't, no I don't, no I don't, no I don't, no I don't, it's trueI don't, no I don't, no I don't, no I don't want anybody else but you.