Overwhelmed.

'If we are not overwhelmed by our assignment from God , then we don't see our assignment clearly'. Bill Johnson, Poor in Spirit

I always have too many thoughts, and never enough clarity to write about my thoughts. But I will try.I am the proud owner of a Bachelor's degree in Therapeutic Recreation, and of the letters CTRS (certified therapeutic recreation specialist).I am also the proud owner of about $60, 000 in student loan debt.I believe that the work I do can make an impact on people who have experienced trauma, and who have mental health issues. Even in Haiti.I believe that there is good work to be done in Haiti involving mental health. I want to be a part of that. I also have no idea how to do any of it - pay off my loans, move to Haiti, find a stable income in Haiti, create accessible and effective programming in Haiti... It is all too big, too scary and overwhelming, too important for just...   me.AND I know I need to get back to Haiti. So, I am living and working in good old Edmonton, Alberta, chipping away at my student loans, so that I can be free to stay however long I need to in Haiti.  (I hate the Alberta winter so much. I am trying hard just to function while my body just wants to be in hibernation mode. It's not easy to be happy when I am not able to simply hibernate.)So, that is where I am at. I am finally giving in to the fact that I will be in Edmonton for the foreseeable future, and trying to come up with ways to enjoy it more - treat this season like an adventure. I am going to start my search for a church family (finally), and hopefully find a small group that I can feel at home in.I found a grocery store that I really like.I am going to (try to) invest in good coffee and good people.I have a "creative studio" in lieu of a living room, and a "sitting room" in lieu of a dining room.I have an armchair in my bedroom for drinking my morning coffee (remember, the good coffee!)I am committing to having houseplants.I have a job that I really enjoy (for the most part).I get to see my family more than just once a year.I have art on my walls, music in my speakers, so many books that need to be read, and so many notebooks waiting to be filled. And still, I am SO looking forward to the day that I can write "I'm moving to Haiti!" on a page just like this.(If my dreams aren't scary and stressful, I am not real committed to them. Can "overwhelmed" be my safe state of being?)LoveLoveLove,- TA