On the day I called
You answered me
And the hope in my soul increased
I lift my hands
And turn my eyes
To the God who heals my heart
And gives me peace
You are more than
My words could ever say
You are Lord over all
Over all my days
I will see this season through
I will fix my eyes on You
Only You
Only You

I have slept in Haiti 80 times. I have 13 nights left here.

My heart is aching already. I don’t know how I am going to be able to go back to Canada and just jump back into school and everything. I still have to decide where to live, my computer is not going to last much longer, school is crazy, I have decisions to make about church stuff, and I don’t know how or when I am getting back to BC from my parents’ house.

Even though I do not want to go back to Canada, back to school, back to cold, my heart knows that this season is a season for learning, getting stronger, trusting God and preparing for the future. My heart hurts, but it is peaceful.

I WILL see this season through.

Peaceful does not mean that I am going to be okay when I get back though. I am not going to be happy, I am going to have a really really hard time relating to anyone, I am going to be upset over the amount of STUFF we all have, myself especially, and I am going to want to rebel against all the expectations and deadlines and schedules that are a part of everyday life in Canada. I am a mess when I get home, and I don’t want to be, but I haven’t quite figured out how to change that.

I am sorry in advance if anyone feels like I am uninterested, angry or critical.

It is hard.

We WILL see this season through.

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand will be my guide.
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You’ve never failed, and You won’t start now.

And really, how cool is it that I was able to come to Haiti, and live here for 3 months? So amazing. It is rare to have that opportunity. I have learned so much.

And I really have met some of the greatest people here.

The kids at New Life are hilarious. They have so much energy, are really kind, and are always ready to help me, try to understand my Creole, and help me learn better Creole. We are getting comfortable with each other, learning each other, and there is no better way to spend a few hours than just hanging out with them.

The Haitian people I have worked with have a work ethic that we don’t often see in Canada. In the mountains, I watched a man mop a filthy depot floor by hand with an old shirt, and he was smiling the whole time. We paid him in food. I don’t know a single person in Canada who would have taken that job, never mind with such a willing heart.

And there are so many people here who have such a love for their own people. I can only imagine the sacrifices each of them makes in order to help the people of Haiti – schools, feeding programs, orphanages, medical clinics, churches... It is really amazing. One of my favorite things is to see a Haitian doing everything in their power to help other Haitians get onto their feet again.

There’s only so much foreigners can do, and we often mess things up or don’t help in a helpful way.

I need to learn from the Haitians how I can do better.

And the teams that I have worked with! It is SO NICE to see teams from last year come through again. I don’t always get to spend much time with the teams I know, but it’s like having old friends show up. We can pretty much pick up where we left off, and not have hurt feelings because we are on different schedules. And having a couple of new teams totally ready to accept me as a team member, ask me to join their beach day, devotions, meals and hangouts. I get to know people pretty well after a week in Haiti, and it makes me love working in Haiti and at New Life, even more. ESPECIALLY when I meet people who are interested in talking about future work in Haiti, and how we can all work together to fill a need.

These are the only things that make me a little bit excited to go back to Canada – I have a LOT of work ahead of me before I come back next summer.

And there is nothing like being here – standing in the same dirt, smelling the same garbage burning, and food cooking, and freshly washed hair, feeling the same sun and wind, hearing the same traffic and kids and songs. I wish I could film my entire trip and make everyone watch it. SO many funny things happen here, but the stories don’t sound that funny when people don’t know Haiti. As an example:

We were able to participate in a food distribution in Cite Soleil. And we found out that some kids are afraid of white people. I reached out to a little boy and he straight up screamed. I left him alone after that. And as we were walking in Cite Soleil, while most kids ran towards us, one little one could barely open the front door to get in his house because he was screaming so much. He even dropped his drink.

In the mountains, I watched people put a goat (with its legs tied together) on the back of a motorcycle and drive away. The goat didn’t say a thing, just looked at me.

I found a chicken in my room in Jolie Guilbert. We scared each other so badly, the chicken just stood there, with her mouth open, panting. I have NEVER seen a chicken look like that before. She couldn’t even run away from me.

When driving around Haiti with a vehicle full of white people, and a Golden Retriever sitting on a seat and sticking her face out the window, you get a lot of funny reactions. Dogs are not pets in Haiti. Just a car full of white people draws a lot of attention. Add the dog, and I am sure the entire population of Port au Prince thought we were crazy.

And I guess those are the moments I have to remember over and over while I am gone. I already can’t wait to get back here, and I haven’t even left yet.

It feels good to be the best version of myself for 3 months straight.

And I will go back to Canada and reassess my life there. How can I bring a little bit of Haiti to Canada?

Again, I love you my friends. Thanks for journeying with me and have patience and grace with me through everything.