This is posted late, even though it was written on time. Such is life in Haiti!

This has been a week of "lasts" for this year. So it's been a bit distracting.

Do you ever think about “phantom pain”?

I have started to this week.

My spider bite still hurts sometimes. Which is funny, because it looks like it is healed. The scar is still new looking, and not silvery yet. But sometimes it hurts for no reason.

And it makes me think of people who have had a limb amputated, and experience pain in the limb that is no longer there... “Phantom pain”.

And it makes me wonder how many things in life cause “phantom pain”? And not just physical things, but matters of the heart too. Our past experiences, hurts and joys affect how we live and make choices today. I think the hurts of the heart can cause “phantom pains” of the heart, too.

Just a thought.

And now, I have one week left in Haiti.

One week.

One week left. I feel like I just got here, and I feel like I have been here for years.

This week, I want to spend all my time with the kids. I am going to miss them so so much. It’s harder once you know them – know their personalities and quirks, know what hurts them, and how to make them laugh, and know some inside jokes.

But, even though my heart is not happy, it is peaceful. I know that it is time for me to go back to Canada, and to get on with school. I need to process everything I have learned and experienced here. 3 months is WAY different than 6 weeks. And 6 weeks was WAY different than 2 weeks.

I have a LOT to think about and practice.

But finally, some of the promises that God has given me are becoming a reality. Things that I have been praying about for a year, two years, four years, are finally starting to happen. I have been so encouraged by the people I have met here, and so encouraged by Miriam in the work that I am doing. Most of it is running little errands, and helping things run smoothly, but I am able to see how things are run, and to soak up all the wisdom that Miriam has. And she has a lot of wisdom, and a lot of experience.

It’s a bit overwhelming sometimes.

Most things in Haiti are pretty overwhelming most of the time. But that’s why we rely so heavily on God.

I have never felt so at home, so alone, so lost, so happy, so at peace, so full of hope, so uncomfortable, and so good in my life.

I am never so confidant, so outgoing, and so joyful when I am outside of Haiti. I still have moments when I am shy, awkward, sad, frustrated. But they are so much less here.

I still need to find a place to live in Vancouver. I mostly just need a bed and a space to do homework, art and music. I don’t even need a shower, just a bathtub. I am really good at taking bucket showers now!

And if it happened to be the apartment above Elizabeth’s Bakery on Commercial Drive, I wouldn’t complain.

Just saying.

I am glad that I have a better idea of what next summer will look like, and I have a better idea of what living in Haiti looks like (at least at New Life). I am already starting to plan for next summer – if I could buy my ticket today, I would.

But I can’t.

So I will wait a bit.

God is so so good. His love never fails.

Phantom Pain and the One Week Countdown.

dandelion seeds