Dear Life: (It's been too long, I know)

Dear Life,You can be overwhelming, and frustrating, and exhilarating, and move to fast, and be full of adventure, and knowledge, and amazing experiences, and breathtaking highs, and breathtaking lows.You can feel underwhelming, and frustrating, and purposeless, and move waaaay too slow, and be full of rest, and wisdom, and learning to trust and enjoy each moment, each person, each circumstance.Paul said “I’ve learned by now to be quite content whatever my circumstances. I’m just as happy with little as with much, with much as with little. I’ve found the recipe for being happy whether full or hungry, hands full or hands empty. Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am” (Philippians 4:12-13, The Message)I DESPERATELY need to learn how to do this well.I feel like I thrive when life looks like it’s too full, too busy, too much. I don’t know how to rest when life is moving slowly, when I have enough time on my hands, when I have the ability to FINALLY make art, make music, read for fun, and enjoy this life. Which means that I don’t process all of the beautiful and terrible things I have seen and experienced in the last 6 years of my life, I end up burnt out from trying to do everything, and fill every need that people set in front of me, and now I am not thriving.And being in a season like this one is really hard, and really good for me. I spent 4 years studying why leisure and recreation is so important to a person’s general well-being, and now I am being forced to practice what I preach. And it feels awkward. I start to wonder if I’m just lazy, or when I will start becoming stagnant. (I am afraid of becoming stagnant. I make impulsive decisions when I feel like I am becoming stagnant.)I Just don’t know how to rest well.And so I am practicing – setting boundaries with my time, choosing how much time to spend with people, and what to commit myself to, and prioritizing very, very differently.I want to be in Haiti, working alongside SO MANY of the people that I have come to love so much. I want to be with the kids, with the teams, with all the Haitian staff. And I know that I wouldn’t be much good there right now. If I want to be most effective, I need to learn to be content in every circumstance – because while there will be seasons of much, of “hands full”, there are going to be season of little, of “hungry”, of “hands empty” and I don’t want my joy, my contentment to be contingent on my circumstances. If I want longevity in Haiti, I need to learn how to “make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am”.In this season, I am learning how to find a healthier balance, I am re-learning how to dream those huge, audacious dreams that look impossible, and I am learning to pause, and to pray, in every moment, every situation. I am learning how to love people more, just as they are, and regardless of how they may feel about or treat me. (THIS IS SO HARD!)So, Life, although I often don’t like the seasons that you set before me, I am choosing (sometimes multiple times a day) to be thankful for each one, to soak in it, and to learn to be content with my circumstances.