My heart is fickle. My heart is a traitor.

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Guys.44 days until I am in Haiti.44 days until I get to see the kids, Miriam and the staff at New Life.44 days until I am warm, and getting my fix of kids every day.I wish I was leaving tomorrow, but 44 days is not long in the grand scheme of things.AND I have officially completed my third year of my bachelor of therapeutic recreation! I can't believe it!!! I will have classes like normal in the fall, and then off to internship January to end of April! And then I will be finished school FOREVER!!!! I have a subletter for my room, so not only do I not have to move out of this house, but I don't have to worry about putting my things in storage (and paying for that) AND I have a home to come back to in September! So so great!And I am realizing that this time next year, there is a good chance that I will be buying a one way ticket to Haiti. (God willing, of course...)A ONE WAY TICKET!Wow wow wow.But I am also realizing that my heart is a traitor.You know when you feel like God has told you that a certain situation is going to take an impossible route? And you try really hard to believe it, open up your tight grasp on something, and trust that God knows what He is doing? And you know how many times I fail at that? One little thing can make me feel crazy and disappointed and unsure of everything that I thought I was sure of.My heart is traitorous.How many times have you heard someone say "You just need to follow your heart!”  “What is your heart telling you to do?” “At the end of the day, you just need to do what your heart tells you to.”How fickle my heart. My heart stumbles on things I don't know. I'm not sure I should be listening to my heart, to be honest.I've been slowly reading The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho.  It is an amazing book.I've been learning to listen to my heart, but to also realize that it is fearful sometimes. That my heart wants to protect itself from potential harm.Which is fair, but absolutely not how I want to live my life, nor how I believe God is calling me to live my life. I want to live in hope and joy and love and peace.

"For it was by hope that we were saved; but if we see what we hope for, then it is not really hope. For which of us hopes for something we see? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience."Romans 8:24-25

There are so many things that I don't see. That I can't see. So I will try to train my heart to hope, and wait patiently for the things God has promised me, and to remember that He never fails.

I lean not on my own understanding. My life is in the hands of the Maker of Heaven.There's nothing I hold on to.

44 days until Haiti.

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